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Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Saturday, April 13, 2019

It's about balance

Most of you know I am a tax preparer and tax season is coming to a close. Things do get a little hectic, people fear the outcome of their returns and share those feelings. I rarely see those fears come to fruition, but still it is hard watching folks worry about an outcome that hasn't happened yet. It seems to me it is one of the things we tend to waste energy on often. It is a shame we don't have faith in our abilities or the fact that most times we can handle anything that comes our way. We are stronger than we know, and we really should honor that.
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on it's own wings. Always believe in yourself” – Unknown
I love this saying and feel it is a great guide to looking at life. I tend to jump in with both feet and worry about the landing later. I am not sure this is the best way to go either, so now I seek balance. So I spend my days trying to keep that balance. Today I started out working on taxes and while waiting for information went outside and pulled some weeds. Came back in and worked some more until I needed more information. My next task was picking dandelions. While I was out there I was thinking on what a simple and enjoyable thing to do. I pick the flowers to make bath oils and I will also use the infused oils to color soaps. Dandelions have so much to offer, and they seem to be readily available in my lawn. The more you pick they more they bloom. I figure it's a survival thing to keep the hope they will seed out and produce more, which is fine with me! I use the leaves for a ingredient in a great cleansing tea, and the roots are great as a tea for the liver. Such a simple plant, and so many uses. I also found some wild lettuce I picked for drying and making an oil diffusion and a tincture for pain. It's hard to weed your garden when you find so many uses for so many "pesky" plants! Okay, well it's back to work for me, two more days of crunching numbers then a break to make some soaps, lotions and salves for the spring craft fairs. Life is good; good to be busy, good to be content and great to balanced!

Friday, May 18, 2018

Wild Empath Chronicles A truth

Wild Empath Chronicles A truth

She clutched the invitation in her hand as she walked down the long hallway looking for the room on the card. She is in a convention center, the corridor was plane, industrial type carpeting in grays and blues, light walls, with dark molding around the door ways, every now and then an easel with a placard telling the name of the event going on in the large room. She read the invitation again, it was a strange request, the boards were buzzing about it all. Some one had offered to allow them all to meet, air fare was provided as well as mystery of the reason for them to meet. It was surmised that it was one of them too humble to admit their wealth that wanted to just get them all together.

There was a surreal feeling to it all, like a dream, and perhaps it was. She didn’t care, it was something to do, a new adventure. She found the room, and as soon as she stepped inside she could feel the energy. She let it flow through her, around her and took in what felt good, and blocked what felt “off”. She was an empath practiced in dealing with this type of thing.

She stepped up to the table set up in the front of the room, and was asked for her name. She could feel the people behind her, knowing they were wondering who she was. She dressed simply in jeans a nicely tailored white blouse, her favorite distressed leather jacket, and boots. She wasn’t pretty, but had long hair that fell to about the middle of her back. And just as all young women learn with they relies the power of being female, she knew how to display her assets to the best advantage. She was fit, and confident in her strong points, and didn’t worry too much about her weak ones. She signed in and instantly felt his energy. As she turned they locked eyes and he came towards her. She looked down and there was an odd feeling in her chest. Her white blouse was streaked in red, a jeweled dagger protruding out of her chest.

He came to her, and for the first time she saw his smile, a true wicked grin. No doubt the intent, but it was not one of malice. The nature of it all was just dark. He stepped up to her and removed the dagger in one quick motion, and leaned down and licked the wound clean. With the taste of blood still on his lips, he held the back of her head with one hand he kissed her hard. He held the pressure there until she relented and surrendered to her need. Even though his lips were pressed against her she could feel him smile. She opened her eyes and saw him staring back at her, she raised an eyebrow in question, and he backed off and smiled again. She answered his smile with a small grin of her own, almost a dare. Thoughts were the same, one of interest, and one of fear, a very interesting combination.

They were alone in a crowded room of people. The found a place to sit, but no words were spoken. He was lost in thoughts of conquest and plans. He had tasted her, and knew she was honest but not pure. He didn’t know yet what avenue to take with her, but she would get what she asked for.

She tapped into him, and he was open, she got through the hard ass exterior to find the heart. She saw it in a cage, constantly reaching for love it just could quite grasp. It would strain and stretch through the bars, and just barely touch the outer edges of love, but never get a grasp or hold of the elusive emotion. There standing near was a gate keeper with the keys to the cage, jingling them softly, with a smile on his face.

The gate keeper spoke the same words he always did, “you want out to feel the best life has to offer you must learn to forgive those that have caused you harm, and learn to love yourself. Should you ever find a way to do so, I will unlock your cage and you will be free to love and be loved, but not until.”

The rage the heart felt was immense. There was no way it could forgive all the wrongs done, all the unkind, unfair things that had been done to it. It screamed for the gate keeper to acquiesce, but he just looked down, crossed his arm over his chest, leaned up against the wall and let the rage go around him. There was no chance of that gate opening with out the trial of forgiveness or the self love. It was as obvious as gravity and the sunrise, and nothing could change that fact.

She looked at him and sighed, she felt so sorry for his pain, and wanted more than anything to ease him from it all. She though of others she tried to help, to show them that love was available. And through her own musings, she heard her own gate keeper laugh. She had long since quite trying to reach trough the bars, quite dreaming of the day that she could touch love, knowing she would never live long enough to forgive all that hurt her or ever learn to love herself. “Fuck off”, she said to him as he jingled the keys.

Friday, May 4, 2018

Wild Empath Chronicles-Glad I found you.

We go through life wondering if there is a plan. We know there are lessons to learn and chances to take, but we wonder what the outcome is to be.
There are those that feel we make a pact before we get here. Our spirit on the other side may be lacking in some form of energy. There is no opposition on the other side, so it is hard to strengthen anything. So we take form, body, mind and soul and go to ground. We get here with our plan intact, the goal so easy to see before has now, been lost in a distant memory.
But we don’t come here without our fail safes. Friends that also have lives to lead, and goals to reach agree to help keep us directed. We have those that have hurt us so we turn back and try something else; we have those that walk with us as long as it shares their intended experience. It is like they help us, like we are rats in a maze.
Think of it like our lives are like we live in a tornado. In the beginning we are the center of our universe. We come into this world helpless, in need of food, love and shelter from life’s storms. It is like being in the eye, the world is chaos all around us, but our every need is tended to, if we are lucky. As we learn and grow, given tools by our parents, teachers and friends, we step out of that calm eye and into the intense winds of the storm. We are ducking cows, cars and buildings and at times we run back to the calm center before we jump out again. Life isn’t easy, and it is not for the faint of heart. But we learn to duck and jive, learning how to survive, learning what we need to know to go it on our own. Some people never leave the center, feeling they are the universe and expecting someone to tend to them. Some people jump out to the harsh winds daring a house to even try to fall on them. All people are different, and there is no right or wrong, we just have to remember we have a goal, and so do those that are here with us.
As we get used to the harshness of hurt feelings and growing pains, we keep going till the winds aren’t as strong. They still blow but you have time to think and plan your life. What job to have, who to spend your life with, should you have kids, all questions that are answered when the wind settles a bit and you can start to see your way. You try things and sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. When things don’t work, over and over, it is time to realize you are off your projected goal. As soon as you start thinking “why me”, that is the time to re-evaluate your actions. There is a saying “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” If you find that happening to you, seek knowledge, there is something you are missing. We all know people that take the wrong jobs, seek the wrong partner, trust the wrong people, and they do it over and over. Watch and learn from that. There is no problem with making mistakes as long as you learn from them. Every time you miss a lesson the next one gets tougher, and then next one even more so. Try to figure out what is going on as soon as you can, it will be much easier on you. It is all about paying attention and being present in your own life.
As you settle into your life and the winds die down more you start to see out in front of you that as you keep going the winds die down more and more. Life isn’t exactly easy, but it is easier. You are who you are to be, and on your way. It is during this time you really start paying attention to your spirituality. We are coming full circle and we have learned many lessons, maybe not all the ones you were supposed to, and maybe some you hadn’t planned on. As you look back you can see who came in and out of your life and what they did or didn’t do for you.
The biggest lesson to me is to “learn to only take what is freely offered and to only give what you freely can.” This is huge. I know people that give till they are depleted and find that often time the offering isn’t appreciated, but it is accepted anyway. These people often times are so hurt because they gave more than they really had to give. And there are people that take, and then want more, the manipulate and such to get you to give more than your all. This causes many things to happen and none of them good. When you do give, and you do it solely because you want to, how it is received doesn’t matter. You did it because it was the right thing to do.
There are those that always want to “help” the underdog, an honorable thing to do, but again, don’t give more than you can freely. We are here to live our experience. Yes sounds terribly selfish, but it is still true. I know a man that gives to a few people, only what is comfortable, and most of them hardly acknowledge his kindness. There are no phone calls of “how are you?” or even thank yous. He does it because he can. It harms him not, and he expects nothing. But in their world where most people are unkind to them, life has been hard, times are tough, he is the shining light in their lives, the one person that gives freely, and asks for nothing. I wonder if they realize it.
So with that thought in mind I want to thank all who have crossed my path, wandered it with me, and helped me change direction when I was a bit lost. I am so glad that in this big world with all the trials, joys and tribulations, “I found you.”